The Life of a Vapor

Can you figure it out?

2011-06-18T19:34:00.000-07:00

For once I would like to hold on to you.

So many years and you are still ethereal.

I always think I see snatches of you...

In real faces....

Places....

Words.

But the imp that you are...

You laugh and move on...

Holding your head high.

My head grows heavier.

Not even love ...

Is enough to make you stay.

Is it something that I say?

I am human...

maybe not you.

But I make mistakes...

Misunderstandings.

But what about all I give and give?

It is because I care.

But facts are so misconstrued...

like bad music...

they become your muse.

Or maybe it is what others say?

Do you even care to prove all things?

No.

Or maybe it is you...

You don't want the truth.

Truth is strange...

But fiction is always fun...

You savor it like a food.

I am the refuse...

There is only one who is true....

and He is not you.

There is a friend that

Sticks closer than a brother.

06/18/11

Light (On death and dying)

2011-04-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

And what am I supposed to say?

That you were with me on that day?

But where I was

I do not know.

It came and went

so fast, so slow.

Was it real?

Was it fate?

So long it's been

the memories darkened.

I question

what I was sure was reality.

Sometimes

I question myself

because

it seems to good to be true

Sometimes because of

others doubts and fears.

But I know what happened

the day I slipped away.

She knew it to

though I did not say it.

She looked through me

and said, "I don't want to know."

Fear...

Why

If nothing happened?

She already perceived

where I had gone.

She saw it on my face

The light I came from.

The light I never wanted

to return from.

I told her anyway.

How could I not?

If I kept it inside

the light

would have driven me mad.

But you were there

with me...

and I never told you

Now you wandered so far!

Alone in the dark.

I almost told you.

But I was worried

worried about

what you would think.

What you would do.

I still do.

I'm still selfish.

It would have been easier then

to tell you

your future was light

to convince you

that you were light

are light

That you

were already there.

And here you are

again

after so long.

And still

how can I tell you?

The Martyr

2011-04-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

There I see you...
lashed to a post...
above smoldering fagots.

I run...
as if in slow motion.

Finally...
I reach you.

As the flames lick...
at your feet...
I throw myself at you...
screaming.

You do not see.
No one sees.

I embrace your body...
now contorted by pain...
and the flames...
but I am not consumed...
or seen.

I can not comfort you.
You do not even sense...
my presence.
To this scene...
I do not exist.

I want to stop this...
martyrdom without cause.

But you have become one...
with the flame...
the suffering.
You are the torch!

And I?
I am neither...
the crowd that jeers...
or weeps for you.

I am just a vision...
at your death scene.

Sheila Perez 10/2002
@ Shadow Poetry

American the Land of the Fearful ? True Hope for Change?

2011-03-01T17:00:00.000-08:00

American the Land of the Fearful ? True Hope for Change?
by Sheila Perez on Monday, February 8, 2010 at 1:35pm

The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave? I am not sure! Now don't get me wrong, it is not that I believe that America does not have heroes, does not have brave men and women. But if you listen to any news, weather TV, radio or computer info there seems to be nothing but fear propagation.
Do you stop to think about the reason behind it? Do you stop to think about the why?
It seems that fear is serving someone well and it is not the American people. Who then is it and why? Why would any true American want to do it?
Why are we so easily led into it unthinking, like sheep to the slaughter? What is the slaughter any way?
It is the murder of our peace. The murder of our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
We have a piece of paper in this country and a government that is supposed to support us in this, but do they? Can they? I find no comfort in the state of our Nation, the state of the economy or the state of the world. If I listen to the media I find no clear hope for the future of my children. Again, don't get me wrong. There are people working hard to keep the laws, make more laws and change the ones that they feel are dysfunctional. But the very laws that give us freedom seem to also, take them.
The Second Amendment for one, is a good example. It seems we have more and more freedom to say whatever we want to whom ever we want but verbal abuse abounds. We have more freedom but what is the cost? The things I hear mothers and fathers shout at their children make me sick, never mind the racial slurs that have increased in the last 20 years. With no clear guide lines language soon becomes a freedom to abuse. Why have we brought freedom down to a criminal level? Why do we think that oppressing others is freedom?
Fear is an oppressor. What is it that your oppressors would profit from if you fear? Maybe, you have too much liberty. Or maybe your very freedom oppresses those who oppress you because they are afraid of something.
It seems that the oppressed and the oppressor function the same way in this country. They use the same means to fight, the same weapons. A word for a word. An eye for an eye. A law for a law. My peace for your peace.
Is there a way to rise above the react reaction phase, the fight and flight stage, the sit and do nothing dilemma? How can we restore peace to the human heart and mind, to the nation, to the world by picking up the same weapons (fear and control) our enemies have chosen to wield and not see the same oppressor in ourselves and our neighbors?
Their needs to be a new paradigm. A simplified analogy for paradigm is a habit of reasoning, or "the box" in the commonly used phrase "thinking outside the box". Thinking inside the box is analogous with normal science. The box encompasses the thinking of normal science and thus the box is analogous with paradigm. "Thinking outside the box". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradigm
Obviously thinking in the current "box" has not been, and is not being, profitable to us as citizens or humans regardless of our races or religions.
We are ripe for a new form of education in all areas. And why do I say education? Why do I not say, leadership? Because the oppression is at the root of OUR PERSONAL thinking. Do you want a leader to think for you? Is that how we as humans have become, dumb sheep that only need a guide? And where and to what are we being guided? Not even God thinks for us, though some may believe He does and I guess at the root of that belief system you are looking for complete control and thus no self freedom at all. It is obvious that God limits his involvement so that you are required to think and learn. (I am not dissing Sovereignty but we all have our own lines to draw with our beliefs, think for yourself!)
To educate is not to dictate. People are not trash receptacles for the dumping of processed knowledge. Thinking is an experience you have to do for yourself. No thinking adult likes their food chewed never mind pre-digested. But that is the very kind of Religions, Schools, political systems and news media we have. It is a chewed up, used up, spat out kind of information and it often breeds fear not freedom. Fear seems to sell well, in fact, we seem to take it up quite freely. What has brought us to this point? Religion, Schools, political systems? Maybe, God knows they try! Or maybe, just maybe, it is our own fault. Maybe, thinking that we have to know it all, with out really experiencing any of it, without hunting, without getting our hands dirty digging, without kicking up some dust and rocking some boats, being taught all our lives, that if we do not know XYZ in ABC format by 123 then we are stupid and worthless containers. But we are never taught to reason, to ask questions and to keep asking, outside the current box, until we find the answers. We are only given words and told to fill in the blanks with the answers supplied by the current institutions. Then we blame the institutions, the people, God.
Well, how then do you truly educate yourself or another? By coming along side of each other, not as an adult to child, teacher to student. Not as class to class or my need to your need but brother to brother and sister, mankind to mankind, learner to learner, sharing in each others hopes, dreams and needs, loves. The higher archery of learning should not be about controlling information and methods to shape the mind for our own purpose, so that we all think the same or can be under the same control and influence. That does not breed peace. It is not liberty. As long as this higher archery exists true learning, loving, peace will never take place, only replication and /or oppression.
When we give up our rights to think for ourselves, we give up our rights to peace, and eventually, freedom. When we replace freedom with the bondage of fear, because of a taught belief system, our oppressor become our ONLY hope for change. We look to them, internalizing their belief system and ways of oppressing ( because they are all we know after all). We use their tools and they become our own even when they are the very things we fight against. Our minds are given over. Once our minds have been given over, we fear everything, including our own freedom, especially our freedom to think.
But it would seem the very way to freedom, this new paradigm offers, we have been trained to reject. For in order to put it into place, their would have to be a revolution. Revolution of this kind is always considered an act of rebellion. We are afraid of what rebellion implies to us, as well as the hierarchies we all either hold to or despise. Anything that would contradict the very foundations of our great edifice would bring our own little world crashing down. Why? Because we have been trained by our oppressors to oppress. It has become, by training, our very nature. Can a rebellion be without oppression? Yes, it can. It is called reeducation. I am not talking about passiveness. But I am talking about peace. Peace of mind in a troubled world, because it will take time for the world to change, because the oppressors who would work against the New Paradigm are in our own thoughts and minds.
Change will not come by a react, reaction phase, the fight and flight stage, the sit and do nothing dilemma. Change will not come by continuing in the fears of the state of our Nation, the state of the economy, the state of the world, the state of religion, or buy repeating the acts of our oppressors.
"HOPE FOR CHANGE" starts in you! You, the mind, the body, the spirit not the receptacle. It is by changing the way you think, you educate, you see God. It is by pulling out the lies in the very "corner stone" of our thinking and replacing them with our own thoughts, our own "found" truth. It is by seeing in every man an eternal spirit, the very image of God. For me it has been seeing the very image of God in my Spirit and aligning with it and for this reason knowing I should have no fear of the truth. Truth is Love. Love holds grace. Love is not what people tell you it is. It is what you imagine it to be. If your image of love is distorted, you will be and your actions will show it.
Whether or not you believe in a God, you believe that Power, Love and a Sound mind exists or you would live without any morals or empathy. You can find it in yourself because it has always existed in you, and you have no need to be taught what that is. You were born with it. To reject those things is not only to reject God's love but your own self love. You have no reason to live, to hope, or even, to fear. Love is not getting to give to your self or others. Love is being able to be who you were created to be and using the power of Love in your self, in the absence of fear, and condemnation, to make the world a better place.

I and many of my friends have begun to make those changes. In ourselves, and in our institutions, in our thoughts of God, and the universe. We have found Peace and safety, not in the institutions, but in ourselves. If you are interested in learning more about this peace please contact me on face book.
I guarantee if you are willing to crumble the castles built for you, you will begin to rebuild your own life, and it will not just be highly affective for you, but also for everyone you meet who is willing to do the same. I am not saying that changing the world is easy, or possible, or sane. I'm not even saying that changing yourself is easy. But I can guarantee it is worth it. Yes, I do believe in God and that is who I am centered in. I won't hide that fact. We all have belief systems. But that does not mean that we can not educate each other in love. No one can force their beliefs on you. I can only offer you mine and we can prove together what works and what does not. If you are not open to me because of religious views just teach yourself to be open minded and I would recommend a book. "Pedagogy of the oppressed" Paulo Freire, not a simple read. It is about freedom to think (which many are against because of fear) Freedom to think is truly,education, no, it is life!
God Bless you and keep you free from fear,
Sheila Perez

Amazing Disappearing Girl

2011-03-01T16:53:00.002-08:00

by Sheila Perez on Tuesday, August 24, 2010 at 7:28pm
Amazing Disappearing Girl

All smoke and light

Transparent thin

Light shining in

But what does it matter or mean

See right through

A ghost

A dream

Life ripped at the seams

Solitary never ready

For life is to die

Can't see through her eyes

Can't understand

Just walk on through her

Pass on by

She already died

She can enter you

Just passing through

A vapor

Her whispers tickle your ear

But then again

She'll just disappear

8/2010

Information Relay

2011-03-01T16:53:00.001-08:00

Information Relay

OW! Information
Overload!
I stubbed my toe
On your piles of thought
It made me distraught
Tripping me up?
No, I don't
Want to prove
I can sort it all out.
Thinking for myself
It's happy repose
Or I don't think at all
So, please don't impose.
Distracted, caught
Mind over wrought
Does not lack thought.
Smiles and bow's
Out of sight
Out of mind
But is not left behind
Just made up my mind
To thine own self be kind.
Since I can't press rewind
I hope you don't mind!
No penny for my thoughts.
No Jack-pot!

Sheila Perez 8/2010

TYPO'S

2011-03-01T16:51:00.000-08:00

TYPOS

Tricked by the key boar,the boring letters all scrambled. I don't think it would matter if they were strait.
You, who think you are wonderbull b/c you never mess up, run through my china shop head all askew.Tea?
Possibly perfect? I highly doubt it! IT>>?Just looking for something to dew.
Ohh! Typos you embrase, Oh! embarrass me. But I just put their head on your shoulders willy- nilly words
So eveytine I make a mis take I know, that at least in my world, no one is purrfect! Your face gives my typo a name!
Chowmein!

by Sheila Perez on Thursday, July 29, 2010 at 2:19pm

Where You Stand

2011-03-01T16:50:00.002-08:00

Where You Stand
by Sheila Perez on Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 7:06pm

If only you could see

with the eyes of your spirit

you could be free.

But so many words

you have heard

make your mind question

what is born within.

His truth

the key

to set your soul free.

But your mind

left behind

cannot grasp.

So the soul

becomes a weapon

enemy of your stability

warping what is pure.

To see

you must reckon

must believe

what you already are

what you already know

in your spirit

is truth.

The word

sealed in you

a lovers tattoo

tells a tale.

But to you

to die

would be freedom

from the knowledge

that blinds.

Love wants you to see

now, like He did

on earth

with human eyes.

Do not let

emotions pollute

the peace

that is yours

that is the truth

that is your soul.

As flesh perishes

more each day

As the body decays

you see the cord

growing shorter

grasped in the hand of fate

and you silently scream.

Now!

Stop your ears

Close your eyes

Empty your mind

Silence your soul.

Believe!

Believe your spirit

Holy spirit within.

Don't waste another breathe

to gasp in sorrow

For the work is not lost

but completed.

Your fate is sealed

sealed by the Spirit of God

Where no lies can corrupt

No thief can steal

Where nothing can ever separate

you from the Love of God in Christ.

This is who you are

free from condemnation

Stand

complete in Him

Knowing the battle

is the Lords

and it is won.

"It is finished."

2 Chronicles 20:15

My Scarlet Letter

2011-03-01T16:50:00.001-08:00

My Scarlet Letter
by Sheila Perez on Saturday, February 5, 2011 at 7:59pm

I wear the scarlet letter

for you all to see.

You made me wear it

and that I'll do proudly.

I don't mean to flaunt it

but it is a fact.

And I will bear the truth

without shame

because I can handle that.

Maybe other lovers

have to run

hide their face in shame.

The truth brings many risks.

The truth can often disgrace.

But why should I hide it?

I can bear who and who's

I am.

And take the disgrace

for a weaker one

who lives in sorrow

to save face

while I walk freely

head held tall.

I hear the buzz of wispers

but it's music to my ears.

The bold face lies give

my love power.

Chants of

Liberal, Liberal, Liberal!

May as well be

Loved, Loved, Loved!

The scarlet letter "L"

I wear it Liberally

Like the blood of

my Lover

poured over me

setting my heart

my mind

free.

Romans 1:16

[ The Just Live by Faith ] For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ,

for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes,

The Call of Wisdom is the call to Christ

2011-03-01T16:48:00.000-08:00

The Call of Wisdom is the call to Christ
by Sheila Perez on Friday, February 11, 2011 at 9:27pm

The Call of Wisdom is the call to Christ.*

Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?

Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

~T.S. Eliot, Choruses from The Rock

Proverbs 1:20-21

The Call of Wisdom

20 Wisdom calls aloud outside;

She raises her voice in the open squares.

21 She cries out in the chief concourses,[a]

At the openings of the gates in the city

She speaks her words:

23b Surely I will pour out my spirit on you;

I will make my words known to you.

33. But whoever listens to me will dwell safely,

And will be secure, without fear of evil.”

Christ the Power and Wisdom of God

1 Cor. 1:17 For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of no effect.

18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written:“ I will destroy the wisdom of the wise,

And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.”[a]

20 Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? 21 For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. 22 For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; 23 but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks[b] foolishness, 24 but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

26 For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. 27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; 28 and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, 29 that no flesh should glory in His presence. *30 But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption— 31 that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the LORD.”

Prov 2:6 For the LORD gives wisdom;

From His mouth come knowledge and understanding;

7 He stores up sound wisdom for the upright;

He is a shield to those who walk uprightly;

8 He guards the paths of justice,

And preserves the way of His saints.

9 Then you will understand righteousness and justice,

Equity and every good path.

10 When wisdom enters your heart,

And knowledge is pleasant to your soul,

11 Discretion will preserve you;

Understanding will keep you,

12 To deliver you from the way of evil,

From the man who speaks perverse things,

13 From those who leave the paths of uprightness

To walk in the ways of darkness;

In His own words....Wisdom is Christ.

Christ is knowledge, understanding.

Proverbs 4:7

7 Wisdom is the principal thing;

Therefore get wisdom.

And in all your getting, get understanding.

He was not speaking of a thing to attain but a person to be,

a kingdom within,where the spirit dwells, the hidden treasure.

In Proverbs the power and wisdom of God,

the Spirit of God within

was spoken of in the feminine as a mother.

read Proverbs 8

Wisdom is the spirit of Christ,

the Spirit of truth.

The Holy Spirit within.

The "Helper"

2011-03-01T16:45:00.002-08:00

The "Helper"
by Sheila Perez on Friday, February 18, 2011 at 6:13pm

Here, Let me help you.

I can hold the hem

of your garment

while you strut.

Here, let me help you.

I can hold the mirror

to your brazen image.

Here, let me help you.

Others may not know

of your sacrifice

so I will blow the trumpet

as you go.

Here, let me help you...

look good.

I'll do your

"make - up".

Here, let me help you.

I'll just sit still

so the boat wont rock.

Here, Let me help you

cover your sin

so you may prosper.

Here, let me help you

live the lie

you are comfortable with

we won't hurt anyone

Will we?

Now, will you help me.

Ohh! I understand.

You have something

more important to do.

Kingdoms

2011-03-01T16:45:00.001-08:00

Kingdoms
by Sheila Perez on Sunday, February 27, 2011 at 4:54pm

Do you see

The Kingdom?

If you look at it all

All the tiny flaws

On the surface...

The flaws exposed to

The kingdoms of this world

How could you possibly

See the truth of me?

The truth of we

As ONE?

In that kingdom

I age

I get sick

Sometimes poor

My loved ones suffer too

I cry...

I wonder if my son

can work.

Provide for his needs.

If my daughter will

find a husband.

Who marries the sick?

If poverty will turn

from it's persuit.

Who loves the poor?

If my child can learn

Never mind go to college!

In the earthly kingdom

This is my testimony...

But in the Kingdom of God

There is provision

For the weak...

Love

For the poor...

Marriage

For the sick...

Hope

For the mind...

Promise

Of a future.

In this Kingdom

There is room for all.

In this Kingdom within...

There is righteousness

Peace

And joy

In the Holy Spirit!

World without end.

That is my testimony

In the truth.

The Kingdom of God.

@sheila perez

2 poems

2010-08-24T16:28:00.000-07:00

Amazing Disappearing Girl

All smoke and light

Transparent thin

Light shining in

But what does it matter or mean

See right through

A ghost

A dream

Life ripped at the seams

Solitary never ready

For life is to die

Can't see through her eyes

Can't understand

Just walk on through her

Pass on by

She already died

She can enter you

Just passing through

A vapor

Her wispers tickle your ear

But then again

She'll just disapear

8/2010

Information Relay

OW! Information
Overload!
I stubbed my toe
On your piles of thought
It made me distraught
Tripping me up?
No, I don't
Want to prove
I can sort it all out.
Thinking for myself
It's happy repose
Or I don't think at all
So, please don't impose.
Distracted, caught
Mind over wrought
Does not lack thought.
Smiles and bow's
Out of sight
Out of mind
But is not left behind
Just made up my mind
To thine own self be kind.
Since I can't press rewind
I hope you don't mind!
No penny for my thoughts.
No Jack-pot!

Sheila Perez 8/2010

TYPOS

Tricked by the key boar,the boring letters all scrambled. I don't think it would matter if they were strait.
You, who think you are wonderbull b/c you never mess up, run through my china shop head all askew.Tea?
Possibly perfect? I highly doubt it! IT>>?Just looking for something to dew.
Ohh! Typos you embrase, Oh! embarrass me. But I just put their head on your shoulders willy- nilly words
So eveytine I make a mis take I know, that at least in my world, no one is purrfect! Your face gives my typo a name!
Chowmein!

by Sheila Perez on Thursday, July 29, 2010 at 2:19pm

My Tower of Babel

2010-07-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

A glory
A wonder
I had big plans

I thought I knew
What glory
What wonder...
Was

I built it
The work...
Of my hands
Word upon word
Precept upon Precept
Line upon line

If I reached
For the sky
For the stars
I could bring
Man to God
God to the level of
Mans understanding

See me high and lifted up
My image fills the sky line
Higher and higher
Now look up to me
See my truth
The power of god

This tower of illusion
I built it brick by brick
It became the dwelling
Place of nothing

City of confusion
All the words the worlds
Disjointed

No one
I know
Hears me now
I speak another
Tongue

The lie I helped
To build
A monument
To confusion

But I hear
My new language
Spoken
Not from the family
I thought I knew

I thought with unity
Nothing could stop us
God knew
The words
Made no sense

Now I try
To find
Those that do

Disjointed and alone
Taken from
All I knew
Now just empty
Words that have
No meaning

The confusion
Was my belief
From the beginning
7/13/2010

July

2010-07-05T08:58:00.000-07:00

I have not written anything in a very long time and what I am about to write is not for my friends who do not believe in God. This should not affect you :).
Life seems to come at me faster and faster and my reflexes are not as quick as they used to be. Thankfully my spirit is always where it needs to be so focus on this dying flesh only tricks me to get my eyes off of " the Word of Truth, The Life, The Faith of God in Christ". But I can never deny who I Am in Him. That has been my saving grace in this religious/carnal minded world. I am no longer carnally minded because I am not worldly or religious minded. It is all the same, yes, I said "the same" and produces death, guilt, shame, resistance because it is focus on what I must do to become like Christ or someone or something else instead of following the command, the only command, of Believe on Him who He sent and His Love. The laws/curse/self makes us try to analyze what I in my flesh must do to please God instead of knowing that I now have the mind of Christ and that Christ is in me and that is why I always please the Father. Because He only sees Christ in me. And yes, I have been hounded on every side by good meaning religious people who think freedom in Christ is like earthly freedom. "It will cause you to sin." "You have to be careful with it". In other words, if you have no restraints you will run like a madman to sin. Well it is quite the opposite in Christ. This is the mystery of the gospel, the true gospel, there is no other. I believe therefore I am. I don't believe in me. I believe in Him. So yes, I believe in we. Grace and freedom in this carnally minded world works death. But not in Christ, it can not for in Him is life and peace for He is the Power of God in us unto salvation. Look to the cross, if it holds no power over sin and death for you "in this present evil world" then Christ was crucified in vain and you are still in your sins, sold unto a slavery you neither see or understand.
You see in a perfect world communism/religion would work. But there is evil in the hearts of man because of their freedom of choice and because they have been self condemned, not condemned of God. Christ took all condemnation and sin on Himself on the cross putting all the shame on himself so we could all turn and see it is no longer ours to bare. Self is a consuming fire," out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" and "the tongue is an unruly evil full of deadly poison" with it people can bless God and curse man. Self is the fire turned within always thinking of self, always self examining, always comparing itself to others. But in Christ when you are a "New Creation" you must believe that Christ has the power over sin and death in your life to make you complete in Him. That is belief in Christ, that is the trust, that is the faith of the Son of God, not mans faith. God is a consuming fire not at all like self. His light turns out, like the sun it is constantly giving, constantly showing, constantly proving just by being. He is Love, therefore His fire is not destructive but passionate. He gives and gives and you, must just receive. That is to simple for a mind consumed with self. It is a fact that man and religion has done all in it's power to hide. But you can not hide God's light under a basket. It is impossible. It will shine forth forever. So you can call it darkness, or cruelty, you can fear it and turn away Or you can look upon it and become consumed with it, filled with it. Then everything seems to be so clear as clear as the sky on a noon day w/o a cloud. The spirit of God is in all man, so we all know our maker and are without excuse, religious or not. BUT? Well no there are no buts. Stop looking to man for their answers. Turn to God. Ask Him for the Way, the Truth, the life. He wants "no one to perish in unbelief but for everyone to turn(repentance is just a change of mind by seeing the truth) and see Him for the Love that He is. It is nice to be single minded in God, free from narrow mindedness. I admit I have been both carnal and narrow minded in the world w/o the Love of God in Christ and also in religion, religion the longest. One believes there is no God and worships self and the one who believes in religion and worships the deeds of man. Both are not of Christ. Both are not freedom. Persecution has never really come to me from the world, they are understanding if you are not trying to act like God to them. But I have been persecuted, like Christ, by religious people. Those are the ones who see you bleeding by the way and should have the love of God in their hearts for you but their mind is so full of sin consciousness that all they can do is judge you unworthy by their system because something in your life is not perfect and they continue on. The world may say. "I don't want your Jesus" but they will stop and help you up because they know that they are not perfect either and can not be soiled by helping you. They are certainly more free than religious people. No wonder when they look at religion and they want nothing to do with God. I always try to tell them that if they do not see Peace and Love in any of your actions than what they are seeing is not God. And why should I not let them measure you by religious law? You have no problem measuring each other by it and they need to know that the fruit of God is sewn in peace. I am loving my life whatever it is because it is all about Christ's finished work not mine. It is all about enjoying every moment in His fullness not my own. In Him, I live and move and have my being. This is the mystery of the Gospel Christ in you the hope of glory!

A Door Back to Reality

2010-07-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

In the garden I walked with you
bare foot and naked
in perfect fellowship
in love
just being
not needing to see
not needing to know
at rest.

Then evil whispered
"you must do to become
just reach out and take it on yourself"
become a God
know

I reached out my hand to try
I found the fruit to be tasteful
but something sinister took hold
not just of me but the whole world

Now I knew, therefore I had to be
all that was covered became unveiled
to my eyes nothing was whole
Now I was shame
now I was condemnation
now I could not find rest

But then God gave a promise
a savior to restore
a revelation to be seen
a door back to the reality
I had known

For the day when my children
will know
the peace
the rest
restored
when they will cease
to live to be
and once again be free
to know they are.

6/2010

The heart

2010-01-07T20:22:00.000-08:00

The fire burned in the empty room
The chamber it could not warm
No appreciative welcome home
A comfort all in vain
Tempest tormented window panes
Light could not shine through
Opened doors hid not it's sound
It echoed through the halls
The walls heard the abuse
but could not make a sound
Time extinguished all

And can a heart so trodden down
lift it's beat once more to bound
or must it always bare in shame
the mark of one who would disdain
to hear it beat a strong refrain
and once more quicken to the flame?
What curse can such a magic hold
to crush and cause life to with hold?
And once the heart is marked for death
what an empty place is the breast.

Sheila Perez
1/2010

2009-10-11T16:32:00.000-07:00

Last Night I had a dream I died
And as my spirit rose to the sky
I looked back and saw the world
The way the angels must see
All people looked the same
Surely, the same to me
There was no longer rich or poor
Red or yellow, black or white
But human beings were just souls
Searching in their plight
Some had lovely things to wear
But it clothed them not at all
They were poor, naked and cold
Backs against the wall
Some had nothing to call their own
Only God's spirit and will
Strangely enough those were the ones
Who seemed to be full
And all those souls that I had known
Who'd hurt and caused me pain
Had won no battle for themselves
Nothing they had gained
They looked so funny
Like tiny ants running to and fro
I wanted to call down to them
And somehow let them know
That all they toiled for under the sun
Was vanity and pride
But I knew it no longer mattered
And I continued with my ride
Then arriving at that great city
I ran through Fields of light
I no longer remember journey
No longer remembered my plight
There was no past, no future cares
Only joy in the moment complete
There was no missing loved ones
There was no more defeat
Then I woke to the mornings light
Thinking of my dream
I thanked God for my change of heart
Hoping never to forget what I'd seen

2009-10-11T16:09:00.000-07:00

Deep Water

2009-10-05T16:29:00.000-07:00

Jewel

Deep Water
When you find yourself falling down
Your hopes in the sky but your heart like grape gum on the ground
And you try to scrape yourself up
But you keep seeping out like cheap gin through a broken cup
And you try to find yourself
In the abstractions of religion and the cruelty of everyone else

And when you're standing in deep water
And you're bailing yourself out with a straw
When you're drowning in deep water
And you wake up making love to a wall
Well it's these little times that help to remind
It's nothing without love
Love, love, it's nothing without love
It's nothing without love

When you realize your only friend
Has never been yourself or anyone who cared in the end
And you wake up to see all your dreams have been compromised
Our standard of living somehow got stuck on survive
That's when suddenly everything fades or falls away
Cause the chains which once held us are only the chains which we've made

We sacrifice our pride, sacrifice our health
We must demand more, not of each other, but more from ourselves

Cause when you're standing in deep water
And you're bailing yourself out with a straw
When you're drowning in deep water
And you wake up making love to a wall
Well it's these little times that help to remind
It's nothing without love
Love, love, it's nothing without love
It's nothing without love.

1 John 4:9
This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.

Power, Love and a Sound Mind

2009-10-05T06:11:00.000-07:00

Do I love you enough to be able to trust you completely?
I know who you are.
You are the King of love.
The very King who placed the seed of true love in my heart.
I have your heart, your mind, your will given to me.
The flower of self love has been choked out by Grace and Truth.
Why do I question what you have given me at every trial?
Even when I beleived all the trials came from you,
That you would take away the very promises you gave,
That you could deceive me,I believed in you.
I could not let go of you, because I knew you could not lie.
If I know you are only love why do I linger on the questions?
Why do I fear myself?
Even when the whole world tells me that you have deceived me
I know it is impossible!
There is no deception in true love.

Are there little birds in the desert? I hope one finds me there...

2009-10-05T05:59:00.000-07:00

Nightingale
Sing us a song
Of a love that once belonged
Nightingale
Tell me your tale
Was your journey far too long?

Does it seem like I'm looking for an answer
To a question I can't ask
I don't know which way the feather falls
Or if i should blow it to the left

All the voices that are spinnin' around me
Trying to tell me what to say
Can I fly right behind you
And you can take me away

Nora Jones

Walking Alone

2009-10-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

I did not set out on this adventure alone
I set out with a purpose
With a plan.
I was sure of myself
I would just follow the path
It was quite well worn.
But soon the path divided
Divided again and again
My plan was confused
Like a puzzle dropped
Pieces missing
But then you reached out to me
And whispered,"why do you kick
Against me, against the pricks".
And you said to "rest"
To be still on your breast
But I wrestled free
Like a child, impatient
I wanted to move on
I wanted to grow and be free
But now again I am
At the cross roads weary
Lost and confused
But you have not moved
And where am I
But where I started?
Lonely and confused.
Wanting what I will not take
Afraid to reach out to you
When you say,
"Don't be afraid
Don't run and hide
Don't walk this road
Believing you are alone."
Maybe it is not you
I am afraid of
But the you who
I have seen.

2009-09-26T08:14:00.000-07:00

Like a star that implodes
You left a darkness spinning in my soul
Crushing everything fine
Even the light placed in my mind.

So I began again
Pulling everything in
Searching, seeking
Where did I begin
and you end?

How long would I turn
Revolving in this darkness
Would I ever learn?
What was to be my fate
Since you sent me
Spinning into space
So alone in this place,
This cold, cold place.
Don’t leave me to this fate.
With you there is no saving grace.

All the energy in me was seeking
Searching to be free.
Nothing made me well
Nothing deep enough to reach my hell.

Was there really a true light
Strong enough to win this fight?
It was nothing I could be
No work could set me free.

But then I found the truth in Christ
The fire trapped inside produces life.
The tormented now has turned
The fire of I no longer burns.

Forever to be free
Christ light living out of me.
Now I is put to rest.
Christ eternal
Me blessed.

Memories

2009-09-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

It all reminds me of you
sleeping, waking, thinking.
I can not avoid all the parts that made a whole.
Smells that linger bring a rush of memories,
stubborn stains.
Don't think I leave the mirror forgetting,
the other half of me that lingers,
like a missing limb.
Wounds heal but pain leaves phantoms,
dreams grown dry in Autumn winds.
Winter hardness does not stand
against Springs warm breathe.
Night does not win the battle
against the dawn of a new day.

Sheila Perez
shadow poetry
9/ 20/09

Words

2009-09-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hang them about my neck
careless...
a mill stone weighing down my soul
to hell...
piercing my heart through
and through...
so many daggers
hurled...
make me bleed
internally...
gentleness would have been
fists...
wounds heal not your
words...

Words: we spend at least 75% of our day using them
All men are made after the likeness of God. We, like Him, want to hear praise.
Let our words be a balm to the soul.

A Poem and Story

2009-08-05T11:41:00.000-07:00

Stories of Pennsylvania By Joseph Solomon Walton, Martin Grove Brumbaugh

SAWQUEHANNA, OR THE WHITE LILLY

In the dark woods of western New York, by the side of a mountain stream that leaped from the rocks and played with the
sunbeams,stood an Indian wigwam. It was old and cheerless within, but grand and beautiful was the sylvan scene that faded
into green and gloom around it. here dwelt an old Indian woman, her son (a great warrior), and two girls who had been captive
so long that they scarcely remembered their white parents. The older of these girls was Saw'-que-han'-na, "the white lily";
the other was called Kno-los'-ka,"The Short Legged Bear." The old sqaw was She-lack'la, "The Dark and Rainy Cloud."
And she was well named. The black forest, bending beneath the savage sweep of a mighty storm, was not so dreadful as Shelackla
when she was "crazed" with rum. She beat these poor girls unmercifully, and they had lived in great fear and greater suffering.
They would steal away into the forest depths, and, clasping each other around the neck, weeping bitterly.
The French and Indian War was fast drawing to a close, and the English were driving the French from America.
Of all this Sawquehana knew little and cared less. She had forgotten the language of her early home and had learned from the
old squaw and her son to speak the Indian language. But when she sat alone for hours in tearful silence, her weary spirit
longing for something, she knew not what, there would come to her dim memories of a happy home, a kind and praying mother,
the songs of the evening hour, and then the awful sense of fire, smoke, demons, death, and a long journey toward the setting sun.
But of all this she could make nothing; and at last she would brush tears from her eyes, dismiss the painful picture from her
mind, begin again to grind the scanty store of corn, and patiently endure her hard and lonely lot.
One day, in 1765, the soldiers of Colonel Boquet came to the wigwam of Shelackla and took the girls away. The war was over.
and Colonel Boquet demanded that "all white children who had been taken captives by the Indians must be given up to the English
government."
On September 13, all these children were gathered at Fort Duquesne, and anxious parents walked along the line,looked in to each
face, rushed forward with screams of delight, and clasped long-lost loved ones to their hearts. Old soldiers turned away and
wiped the tears from their cheeks, and Colonel Boquet was so over come that he wept like a child. But no one came for
Sawquehanna. She and Knoloska and nearly fifty more were left weeping and wondering what all this meant.
Eight days later Colonel Boquet began a weary march with these children to Carlisle, hoping that there they might find father
or mother and a home. For two weeks they toiled eastward, over the rugged mountains, through the fern-fringed valleys, by
Fort Ligonier, Raystown, and Fort Louden to Carlisle. News of their coming had been sent ahead, and every family that had lost
children hurried to Carlisle.
It was not long before people from the Blue Mountains picked out Knoloska as little Susan, the daughter of murdered Smith.
It almost broke Sawquehanna's heart to give up her Indian sister. Susan clung to her and kissed her and wept. but they
were no longer in the old squaw's wigwam, and the officers promised Sawquehanna that she too, might find friends, and perhaps
they could again live together. But her heart was heavy. She made no answer, hung her head, and sobbed and moaned.
Poor old Mrs. Hartman, the mother of Regina, with little hope and increasing sorrow, left her mountain home, went by
John Harris' Ferry, and came in time to see the tired children arrive. Mrs. Hartman looked into each face, hoping to find Regina;
but no golden hair, no blue eyes, no ruddy cheeks like Regina's were there. As she turned to go away she saw Sawquehanna turn her
bright blue eyes full upon her. But Mrs. Heartman walked on. Colonel Boquet came to the sad woman and said, "Can't you find your
daughter?"
"No,' was the answer given in sobs; "my daughter is not here."
"Are you sure? Are there no marks on your child by which you might know her?"
"None Colonel; she was a perfect spotless child."
"Did you never sing to your little girl? And is there no hymn that she was fond of?"
"Oh yes!" was the answer; "I often sang her to sleep in my arms with an old Greman hymn we all loved so well."
"Well," said Colonel Boquet, "just sing that hymn as you and I walk along the line of girls. It may touch the right spot and
give her to you again."
"It is no use, good man; she is not here, and besides, the soldiers will all laugh at an old German woman like me."
But the Colonel pleaded on, and at last Mrs. Hartman began in a clear,loud, but tremulous voice to sing:-

"Alone, and yet not all alone, am I
in this lone wilderness."

Everybody turned to look and listen. It was a touching scene. The pious old widows hands were clasped in prayer.
Her eyes were closed. Her snow white hair made her upturned face fairly radiant, as the sun bathed her in light.
When she sang the second line, a shrill, sharp cry was heard. It came from the heart of Sawquehanna.
In an instant she rushed to the singers side, threw her bare arms around her neck, and sobbed, "mother," and then
Regina joined her mother singing again the dear old song of their cabin home.

"Alone, and yet not all alone, am I
in this lone wilderness.
I feel my savior always nigh;
He comes the weary hours to bless.
I am with Him, and He with me,
E'en here alone I can not be."

Thoughts Of Remembrance

2009-08-05T10:09:00.001-07:00

Thoughts Of Remembrance

Wednesday, May 6, 2009 at 8:01pm
Walter Francis Sheldon
My Grandfather

Walter Sheldon was born in Attleboro on March the 9th 1917 on a farm. He was one of ten children.
He once told me that he and his brothers slept on the porch and would wake up some mornings shaking snow from their blankets and shoveling their room, this was one of the reasons why they spent the winters in town. These were tough times as he was born just before World War I and grew to maturity during the great depression.

Grandpa only received an Elementary education and struggled with reading and writing, yet he leaned the family trade of painting and ran his own painting business until his retirement, which was when he could no longer paint.
Grandpa told me he did not like School. He often told us the story, that once when he got in trouble the teacher locked him in the coat room, so he ate her lunch, and crawled down a second floor drain pipe and ran home. Yet, He always encouraged us to do well in school rewarding us for our efforts.

Not long after he married, when his first two children ( Carol and Larry) were still babies Grandpa served in World War II in Korea and also with the occupying of Japan. Grandpa did not like to talk much about the war. When we asked him about it he always told us that he spent most of his time peeling potatoes because he had been bad. I found out later that this was not the whole story.

Grandpa loved to garden and travel he had a unique sense of humor even though he did not seem to like any comedians.
He taught my sister and I his secret for growing great tomatoes. He'd often let us steer his secret brew, kept in a large barrel and ladle it on the plants. It was a mixture of horse manure and water. My sister and I called it poop soup! After grandpa was done gardening, we would beg him for a ride in the wheel barrel, it was more like a run, but we loved it!
We took many road and camping trips together and spent most weekends at his house.

He had many obstacles in life, but he persevered.

In the last years of his life he shared many stories with me about his past, sometimes we talked of death. Sometimes then he would express his struggle with the thought that God loved him. Sometimes as much as we want love, it is not easy to accept it. In those times of struggle I was glad to be there and remind him that God did truly love him because he believed on his Son Jesus Christ. Sometimes we all need to be reminded that Christ died to make God's love available to us. All the wrath and anger of God was poured out on a "man who new no sin", so that sinners could be at peace with God through the death of His only Son by accepting that he paid the price for us.

I am fortunate to have shared so many happy memories and love with my Grandfather. I know that now he is surrounded by the love of God and he is at peace.

Sheila Perez

A note to someone who questioned my absence form "the" (their) Local Church Share

2009-08-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

A note to someone who questioned my absence form "the" (their) Local Church
Share
Sunday, May 17, 2009 at 9:49am
Thank you for clarifying this. My righteousness is not found in the establishment of a religion. There is a church on every corner in New England and I have visited most of them. Does that make me any better than the person who is hurt and or abused in the church and does not go back? No. I have had the privilege of helping many people who swore they would never enter a church again see that God is not the church. I am perfectly happy fellowshipping on line. I have lived under the condemnation and excommunication of many a church. Does that change the love of God toward me? My brothers and sisters in Christ used to be afraid of me because I do not go to church and refuse to fellowship with me or allow their children to play with mine, at first I was angry and heart broken. Many years later I am thankful. Sadly, most of their children are not happy and free in the truth of the gospel like my teens are and they are struggling with all the same sorrows the world has. My children made friends who were not believers and have been able to love them and influence their lives, while these children were isolated from everyone who their parents feared or did not accept and the results are the children are totally turned off by their parents and any Christians and/or think they are above everyone. My experience of separation has been used positively, because my heart was in the right place and God is good and faithful who calls us. My desert experience, like Paul's was positive. It seems that the church has majored on this doctrine of not forsaking (turning your back on) assembly and minored on all the others to the point that the church building and the action of sitting in one is lifted higher than Christ's work on the cross. After all, if the truth of Christ is not being taught in the church, what is and who is. It is another "accursed gospel" and I have no intentions of submitting myself to that, not even for a minute. I might as well become a Jew, or join a cult. If you do not see the truth of the danger of another gospel as I do, then God bless you in your church, I hope you get fed. If you are in your church as an influence, God bless you. I have a calling and I intend to be lead by the Spirit of God to find where I will be fed the most, grow the quickest and get out on the field to harvest the soonest. I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ, or afraid of what man can do, or say about me. Let us all abide in Christ and love one another for this is what fulfills every law.

Something Different

2009-08-05T10:01:00.000-07:00

Something Different

Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 3:52pm
"You know", they say, "you are really weird!"
"Then weird is what reality is."

Your always trying to be yourself
Someone told you it will never work.

"Work never tried to be someone."
"Yourself trying is always work".

They say you will never be good enough
"When is enough ever good?"

To be different from you is to be an individual
Something you are to afraid to be.

Different, I love it!

He was despised and rejected of men so I do not have to be

2009-08-05T09:57:00.001-07:00

He was despised and rejected of men so I do not have to be!

Saturday, May 30, 2009 at 10:54am
Lately I have really been struggling with feelings of rejection.
It seems that you can never please anyone and when you think you are, you hear the gossip.
Either your to short, too tall, too fat or to "suspiciously" thin.
You are too young, too old, too much of a "hippy", too much of a yuppy.
You are too smart, yet too stupid, depending on who you speak to.
You spend to much time trying to be cleanly, you do not clean enough.
Your kids are so nice, except "that" one really needs work.
Your rich, your poor, too upper class, so low well fare won't touch you.
Your too white, "yo cracka!", your too dark, ain't goin there! your such a mixture- "your just a mongrel".
You beleive in some thing, you beleive in nothing. You go to church, you don't go to church.
You hang your clothes out the earliest on a Monday morning, you hang your clothes out on Sunday with your heart boxers in the middle to make a point!
Your too hyper, too lazy, too sick to care!
This could go on forever!
You get the point!
Yet as a prayed he spoke to me
"because I was, you do not have to be."

Isaiah 53:2-4 (New King James Version)

2 For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
3 He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
4 Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
He was despised and rejected of men so I do not have to be!
Keep looking to Jesus. All the answers to freedom
are found in His finished work.

Life can be a desert of loneliness.

2009-08-05T09:56:00.001-07:00

Life can be a desert of loneliness.

Yesterday at 6:36pm
Life can be a desert of loneliness. No matter how close the oasis is we are always looking to the next mirage sure that we have found life where there is none. We wander in search for an illusive dove. What would we do if we caught Him? We would clip His wings and place Him in a cage and look at Him. We would forget that He lives to fly. He was created to fly and we would destroy the very thing we loved most about Him, how wonderfully he moves.
No matter how sincere our love for God is we cannot confine the Holy Spirit to our small religious ideas. He chooses to roost in the heart as a gentle dove and He is what binds our hearts to one another with a cord that distance can not sever. We are never alone when He is with us and He has promised never to forsake us. Let the peace of God reign in your hearts. Stop wandering the desert. Enter into His rest. We are never alone with God in us. No matter how we feel or what religion says He is our peace. Stop searching outside of yourself. Stop following people and the worlds bliss.
Christ in the flesh left us so that the comforter could come and abide with us forever. We are seated with Christ now in the heavenly places. He loves us like no one else can or will.
Rest do not wander...believe.

Mean Christians just don't know who they are

2009-08-05T09:55:00.001-07:00

Thursday, July 23, 2009 at 11:23pm
It never ceases to amaze me how self centered christians can be! They are always playing one up by putting people down. How is that any different from the world? It would be so easy to play that narrow minded game just to show them what jerks they are being. But that just goes on and on... You see?
When I look in the mirror I see the glory of God in Christ Jesus. I wish they saw it too, in themselves, so they could break free from the lies. What is there to achieve when you know who you are? Nothing. You rest in it and grow in abiding in your true character, Jesus, and He is your all and all.
Yes, there are people I know, you know who you are... treating me and my children this way right now, playing the game. But guess what? We know who wins. The glory of God in Christ Jesus always wins, hands down even if you see it other wise. Maybe you have a better come back or you just glare and run... You forget that I have 5 kids and I love teens. I have lived a with abuse for a long time and I just keep getting stronger and stronger it is becoming somewhat enjoyable, and my kids, when they look at you, I have to remind them to look to Jesus when you are not strong because the Jesus we know is love. Maybe you just don't know Him like that... I have not always known Him like that. When you bite and devour, I cling closer to the vine because I never have to perform in order to abide. The vine is always there supporting me, lifting me up. I can not be removed or devoured. Do you know that kind of love, that kind of safety? Maybe if you did you could tell people the truth in love, but you can not because you have no truth to say, just bad feelings, ideas and self love. You have to let the sun go down with all that anger in your heart every day. How sad! I wake up and praise God for another day even if you are going to be in it. I look in the mirror and say, I am because He is! I am the Glory of God in Christ Jesus and His love for me is unwavering. Then I can share that with my kids (at least the ones who live here with me :) and we can look beyond your face and see the powers of darkness that lurk over you and pray for you that God will show you who you really are, the way He sees you because of Christ's sacrifice, not your self efforts. You can not tear me down I rest in the Rock, I abide in the rock, in the dwelling place forever. Come join me. It is safe here. The yoke is easy, the burden is light. I'm not alone in the yoke, pulling by myself. We could be pulling together.....

Yes And Amen

2009-08-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

Like comics? Searching for Grace is new and a great testimony. I love it!

Yes And Amen

The Remover

2009-04-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

The barrier of the mind
It keeps us far apart
Another plain.
Through the distance
I can not reach you.
That you could see with the heart
See my longing
See the love of the Father.
I want to embrace you and take away the fear
Cursed fear.
To be right is to feel safe.
Feelings lie,
Feeling torment,
Feelings destroy the truth.
So I leave you with the Father
For only the remover can remove
All impediments
All that alters
All that binds
For His love is never failing.

While thinking on Shakespeare Sonnet CXVI

Grace

2009-04-10T20:22:00.001-07:00

Grace, I heard
I did not like the word
I thought it was an excuse

Grace, I cried
can it be
for some one
religious,
like me?

Grace, I pursued
yet it was still a work
of the flesh
a waste of time

Grace, I received
a revelation of love
I taste and see
God is goodness
not condemnation

Grace,
the power of the gospel
the true gospel
the only gospel

Grace,
the truth I preach
I
am
not
ashamed

Fear of Love

2009-04-10T20:21:00.001-07:00

"Who is forgiven of much, loves much."
So, tell me
What do you fear?

Did Mary forsake her Lord for the world?
So, tell me
Why do you fear?

"To whom much is given much is required."
So, tell me
What do you fear?

Are you afraid of the freedom in Love?
So, tell me
Whom do you fear?

God is Love
Love is the Law
Love is Christ
So, tell me now
what do you fear?

Fear has torment.
Torment is not Love perfected.
Torment is of the evil one.
So tell me
Who do you fear?

Perfect Love
casts out fear.
Who is forgiven of much
loves much.

Do not be afraid of love.
Romans 8:1

Lust Conceives

2009-02-27T18:41:00.000-08:00

So tell me daughter,
How is lust conceived?
Is it just a thought?
A passing glance?
One whisper, surely we all can refuse?
The imagination if filled with
the good, pure and lovely
is fallow ground for her seed.
She needs the soil
of this world
to sink into.
The darkness
to hide and wrap herself in.
She needs the worm and the rot
to help her grow.
If there is no soiled mind given
how can she take root?
For the heart can not know
what the mind has not imagined.
To Imagine is to conceive.
And Lust when it has conceived
will bring forth sin.
And sin when she has finished her work
brings forth the child of death.

Last Breath

2009-02-19T10:07:00.000-08:00

If I only had one breath
One more thought left
Would I cry or sigh
Would I fear to fly?
Or would I refrain,
"to live is Christ
to die is gain"?
I pray this day
when comes that breath
I will have lived with no regret
but loudly proclaim when called home
Again, I come My Lord before thy throne!

Is God Really Guilty?

2009-01-30T18:43:00.000-08:00

Torn from my life
I am alone
The only adult I did not fear
The only example of steadfast love
They said "it was her time"
"God called her home"
and I felt as if my spirit was rent in two.
Is sickness really from God?
Dose he still send the cursed angle to strike?

A friend,
Torn from my bosom.
Cancer!
She wastes for a month...
without any food.
Where is her sin?
If compared to myself...
she was a saint.
If death was a blessing...
it was only because...
what life that remained was a curse.
Would that cause me to say God is good?
Can he only refine with torture?

Torn from my womb.
I am a grave.
"Pieces of flesh",
still attached to my soul.
Was it Gods will?
An answer to prayer?
Who's?
Would Solomon ...
have thought it wise...
to rent the child in twain?

Yet,
Bare with me...
A fresher wound.
To baffle the mind..
and "try" the faith!
An infant in arms..
mother sleeps.
The little one slips away...
and mother says to me,
"Would God do this,
to me again?"
I answer..
as I have been taught.
Yes, he could.....

But what does he say?
Who has sinned?
Who deserves the curse?
If it no longer applies,
where is the blessing?
God says to my heart,
these blessed words,
"The thief..
he comes..
to Steal, Kill and Destroy,
But I have come..
That you..
might have life..
and have it More Abundantly!" (John 10:10)
" Every Good gift..
and every Perfect gift..
is from above,
and comes down..
from the Father of Love,
who Never varies..
or deviates slightly." (James 1:13-17)
" For this reason ..
the Son of God..
was manifested,
that He might..
Destroy the works of Satan." (1 John 3:8)
" I healed All..
that were oppressed." Acts 10:38

A God of Mercy..
not sacrifices,
I will no longer..
make Him Guilty!

Isaiah 53:4

Lover Of My Soul

2009-01-30T18:41:00.001-08:00

I knew you for so long!
But I think your love letters
were like flowers
that bloomed
where I could not see.
The eyes of my heart were veiled.
My understanding darkened
even in the light.

I, a garden walled
hid my love inside.
How else could I protect it
from the foxes that spoil the vines?

Still I allowed them
demon words!
Twisting faith
deafening the heart
starving the soul.
Your words became
weapons to me.
They bore no life.
The wine no longer flowed.

If only I knew
it was all lies.
I would not have fallen
living in senseless shame.
A princess in rags.

But now
I have tasted and seen!
Your spirit revived me.
Your words become life.
The veil is torn away.
Deceit falls,
Shackles loosed.

The North and South
winds have blown
a sweet savor
to the skies.
Oil is abundant!
The lamp is full.
The wick is trimmed.

I wait for
your love.
Stronger than death
Come quickly,
for I will not sleep
until after the marriage feast!
I wait in the garden!

Lust

2009-01-28T11:02:00.000-08:00

Lust

James 1:15 (King James Version)
15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

Arms..
ever outstretched.

A woman...
with a child’s face.

Beautiful ...
but untamed.

Desire...
filling every part.

Eyes...
deep like pools...
of hope...
or regret.

Need..
she reaches out...
to you.

Always...
out of reach.

Again..
another treasure..
not hers to keep.

Groping ...
searching...
Never to find.

Naked...
open.

To hot.
To cold.

Always...
young.

Forever...
growing old.

Grasping...
Groveling ...
in her tears.

Turn away!
Stop your ears!

Pity...
Will only lengthen...
Her stay here.

Copyright © 2007 Sheila Perez

Lancaster

2009-01-28T10:59:00.000-08:00

Lancaster

Misty mornings, dewy dawns…
Before the cock crows, men in barns…
Have milked the cows and gave them hay
Women, prayers caps fastened, start their day
Hanging laundry in the mist
Preparing breakfast, making lists

The children “woken” greet the day
“Meant for work”
And filled with play
Bare foot feet fly
Cross crystal laden lawns
“Scarring up” ducks
Waddling to the pond

Rich red earth
In furrowed mounds
Horses and buggy
Hitched for town

Hours left till
They see the sun
Yet their day
In earnest
Has begun

Swarm they all
Busy bees
“Living Plain
And Fancy Free”

Like a post card picture
Memories cross my mind still flicker.

Copyright © 2007 Sheila Perez

A Moment In Rhythm

2009-01-28T10:57:00.000-08:00

A Moment in Rhythm

"Come!" she said, come play the drums
But those were not the words.

“Come and feel your ancestors”
is what I heard.

I was nervous but oh so drawn
So I squatted in circle on the lawn.

The beat flew from heart to hand
My brain lost in rhythms land.

I began to feel the present and past
As if all one sum.

But then I looked up to see faces
Observing intently from their places.

The rhythm was broken into shards of thought.
This was not what I was taught.

Fear and confusion caused fingers to trip.
Oh that I had never let the mind slip.

To enjoy the beat of Indian drums
Was to the puritan side of my ancestors sin.

But feel a part of the past I did
And from the truth I have hid.

What confusion to be both sides of opposing history
And feel the wrath of all my ancestry
In one moment of rhythm

Copyright © 2007 Sheila Perez

Be Still and Know

2009-01-28T10:55:00.000-08:00

Be Still

Be still and know.
Come apart from the world.
The rest you seek has always been, will always be.

Remember the moments as a child,
being fully absorbed in the now?
All time stopped,
past and future were not there.
There was only the present and in it you fully dwelt enjoying every last crumb.
In the stillness you were.
The stillness was presence,
You fully existed in the now.
You were fully yourself.

The child has little past and no future
In his mind he lives in the now.
Become as a little child to enter in to the presence of God and know He is
The I Am of every second.
Take on the yoke hand carved to fit you,
I promise it will be light because the Lord is in the other side to steer the course for the inexperienced
who does not know the way.

What is there to fear when abiding?
You dwell in perfect safety.
Not focusing on past or future.

Do not fear what your religion has not taught you.
The truth exists without it.
If we all dwelt in presence there would be no fear,
no reason for hate and anger.
We would all be free to be light.
Every soul would be stillness.

Copyright © 2008 Sheila Perez

Little Moe

2009-01-28T10:54:00.002-08:00

Little Moe

Little Moe must I say, "NO!"
Every single place we go?

Must I always hold your hand
to try to make you understand?

I know that you have heard my words
for the thousandth time.
But maybe, this time it will stick
if we say it with a rhyme!

Copyright © 2006 Sheila Perez

My Little Moon Beam

2009-01-28T10:54:00.001-08:00

My Little Moonbeam

Dance little moonbeam.
Dance across the sky.
Dance little moonbeam.
Spread your wings and fly.

Just a fragile beam of light
In the darkened sky,
Dance little moonbeam
Spread your wings and fly.

Some will long to catch you
In your maiden flight
And crush your small wings
Holding you down tight.

You know you have a goal
In this dark and sleepy world.
Your path has been chosen
To spread light to the world.

Not one can thwart your purpose
Who does not know your destiny
Dance little moon beam
God has set you free.

So, chase away sorrows
And darkness on this ground
Lighten hidden corners
Where truth may be found.

Dance my little moonbeam
Dance across the sky
Dance my little moonbeam
I will watch you fly.

Copyright © 2006 Sheila Perez

The Daisies Song

2009-01-28T10:53:00.000-08:00

The Daisies Song

If the daisy’s could sing,
what would they say?

If the sun made music,
what would it play?

"But", you say,
"The daisies only bend and sway!"
"The sun just shines all through the day!"

Yet, I choose to believe
the daisies hear the sun as it plays
and sing along with its pulsing rays
until, the sun, sinking in the sky
plays a soft sweet lullaby
and the daisies drooping their sleepy heads
rest within their grassy beds.

Copyright © 2006 Sheila Perez

Little Girl

2009-01-28T10:52:00.001-08:00

Little Girl

Little girl...
She is growing,
changing.

My little girl...
She is playing,
pretending.

Girl...
She is moving,
dancing,
revolving.

Young woman...
She is traveling,
spinning,
resting.

Woman...
She is breaking free,
becoming light,
spreading her wings
to fly away.

Copyright © 2006 Sheila Perez

Another Stage

2009-01-28T10:49:00.000-08:00

Stage

Ah! Entering...

Another stage in my life...

Not because of age...
But duty. Yes! Duty.

What life is made of...
Another stage.

Out of convenience of another?
Out of my own?
Probably.

But still..
I long to hold another child...
in my womb...
Not just my arms.

Physical conveniences!
My mind falls behind...
does not catch up...
with this modern world..

Common sense!
I feel empty...
in spite of my fullness.

Selfish.
Because of my richness.

But lost...
on the thought...
of entering..
this stage...

Copyright © 2006 Sheila Perez

Breathe / On Death and Dying

2009-01-28T10:48:00.001-08:00

Breathe

Breathe..
Fill my mouth..
with your breathe..
Breathe..
I hear you yell at me..
from far away..
You breathe...
for me..
again..
I feel something..
Drawing me back..
No..
I want to shout..
I'm comfortable..
So comfortable..
Breathe..
I feel my chest rise..
you silently cry..
by my side..
Why..
I want..
to go back..

Losing Ground

2009-01-28T10:47:00.000-08:00

Losing Ground

My mind is growing tired..
my heart growing cold..
my hair is falling out..
though I'm not old..

Every strand that falls..
seems to take a piece of me..
there's no use yelling..
I can't seem to breathe..

I try to keep my chin up..
hold on to myself..
the harder I try..
the worse I turn out..

I want to hold on to me..
my dreams..
Life's an illusion..
or so it would seem..

The dreams I want to reach..
are never in the plan..
Oh! what is my future..
I can't understand..

Never Feel / On Death and Dying

2009-01-28T10:44:00.000-08:00

Never Feel

Never feel..
the first small kicks..
like butterflies in my belly.

Never feel..
the elation and excitement..
the first time I hear your racing heart beat.

Never feel..
the pat of a strangers hand...
on my swollen belly.

Never feel..
an elbow sharp..
sticking in ribs.

Never feel..
rhythmic hiccups
or turning head..
in my groin.

Never feel..
the pressure of your head..
descending.

Never feel..
the urge to push you out..
while others shout, "hold back!"

Never feel..
your soft lips and strong tongue..
pulling at my breast.

Never feel..
you in my arms..
breathing against my chest.

Pain

2009-01-28T10:43:00.001-08:00

Pain

Fragile frame..
overwhelmed..
with pain.

Heavy weights..
drag you down.

No one else sees..
or feels..
the crushing.

Invisible dogs...
gnawing at my bones.

They want you..
to..
"put it aside".

You try..
to ride..
the waves..
with a smile..

Impossible!

It always..
seems to win.

It always..
makes me..
cry out.

In some way..
shape..
or form..
it conquers.

To Be With You/ On death and Dying

2009-01-28T10:42:00.000-08:00

To Be With You

I want to go to you amongst the trees and flowers.

I want to lie down near you on the cool lawn.

I want to feel your cheek, soft against my own.

I want to be wrapped in your loving arms.

But I can not bear to go to you ..
when you will not come also to me.

A reality as cold as the stone
that stands between us.

A monument to the eternity
That separates our souls.

Heaviness Within/ On death and dying

2009-01-28T10:40:00.000-08:00

Heaviness Within

I am stuck and can not move on.

I am here but you are gone.

The emptiness that remains..
can never fill the longing of my soul..
But leaves a heaviness..
upon my chest.

The mourning does not lessen
through the years..
but deepens with maturity.

I do not move on..
but merely try..
to keep up with life..
without you.

What remains is a hole ..
A lost piece of me.

Searching..
I only find heaviness within.

Why - 1986

2009-01-28T10:38:00.000-08:00

Why

Like a star that implodes,
You left a darkness spinning in my soul,
Crushing everything fine
Even the light that you left behind.

@ Why do I feel like you’ve left me,
As if I have been wrong?
Why do I feel like you’ve left me,
When you’ve only moved on?

Now, I’m pulling everything in,
Searching, seeking.
Where do I begin
and you end?
Do you ever end?

@ Why do I feel like you’ve left me,
As if I must have been wrong?
Why do I feel like you’ve left me,
When you’ve only moved on?

How long will I turn,
Revolving in this darkness.
Will I ever learn?
What is to be my fate,
Since you sent me
Spinning into space?
Into space..
So alone in this place,
This cold, cold place.
Don’t leave me to this fate.
So alone in your space.

I am Dead

2009-01-28T10:37:00.000-08:00

I am dead

I wish I had understood this before

my prayers were all answered long ago

I am not a part of the here and now anymore than literary ghosts

why this abode feels as a vapor is because it is

why this self can not belong is because it is not

this alternate reality is just a dream
I will awake from

this curse of flesh just a trial I will be redeemed from

though my heart feels every emotion through and through

in this life I am dead

The Garden

2009-01-28T10:00:00.000-08:00

The gates of the court yard
Have been barricaded...
Against little foxes
Who have spoiled the vines...
That once bore the sweetest fruit
And the rarest wines.

The garden, once open
Now walled.
The sent of spice
No longer flows.

Nothing left to quench this thirst.
The fountain has been sealed.
Only dust remains.
Nothing but emptiness left to feel.

Walking On Water

2009-01-28T09:59:00.000-08:00

Walking on Water

Swimming through a lukewarm ocean,
Barely keeping my head above the waves.
Will I sink in a watery grave?

Floating on with your song.
Adrift in my brain...
I can hardly keep my eyes on the light.
My tired mind is taking flight,
It is the only part of me
that remembers..
How solid ground feels
And the way
Back to shore.
Truth?
I’ve forgotten the door
And the power I have inside
To rise above and glide.
To walk once more
Upon water.

Little Temple

2009-01-28T09:58:00.002-08:00

Little Temple

Little temple,
small and weak...
insecure in a hurried world.

Little temple,
empty vessel...
full of ritual and form.

Fragile temple,
not formed by hand..
or the love of any man.

Holy place,
filled with grace...
placed there by love alone you stand.

Empty place,
waiting to be filled...
by the love of god and man.

A vessel of longing,
wanting to be...
a temple grand,
full of truth and light.

Perishing abode,
only a breath...
and time will have sealed your fate.

Sundays

2009-01-28T09:58:00.001-08:00

Sundays

Sundays...
I remember when they used to be sacred.

Until...
Your religion dismantled my faith...
piece by piece.

Religion

2009-01-28T09:57:00.000-08:00

Religion

I Am a Minister,
listen to me.
Tithes and offerings,
your duties,
will set you free.

I Am The Pope,
only I give hope
for salvation.
I Am immaculation.

I Am a Priest,
holding wisdom
so deep.
Let me speak to you
for God.

I Am Rabbi,
A Jew.
Better than you
by Abba's rule.

I Am a Pastor,
I stand in the place
of your master.
Submit to his rule,
let me lead you.

I Am religion,
Take your money,
claim your soul,
keep you working
for salvation
as you grow old.

I Am religion,
you and me.
The gods of truth,
we set captives free.

Do all that I say.
In heaven,
maybe,
you can stay.
Free....

This was not written to insult any religious groups but reflects how men
ask other men to believe in them and trust them for their religious freedom.
My warning is that if truth exists in your religion then you can find it with
the god you worship, not by relying on a man.

A Marvelous Light!

2009-01-28T09:56:00.000-08:00

A Marvelous Light

Out from the darkness
To a marvelous light.
Out from the bondage
Of pain and fright.

Out from the bondage
Of slavery to man.
Out from the bondage
Of religions dark hand.

Out from the darkness
Now I can be
All that Christ Jesus
Has called me to be.
No longer a slave
To the laws of man.
Grace has set me free
Can you understand?

Man Made Religion

2009-01-28T09:55:00.002-08:00

Man Made Religion

Man's excuse for sin
being lost within.

Made up a plan,
found his goal,
to make himself
a righteous soul.

As always
the created sinks,
does not use
his own rules,
can not abide
in his self made groove.

Dug his own grave
now he must choose,
live by the book
he co-authored
or loose.

Bound by it's commandments,
he lives two lives,
one his truth,
the other,
a lie.

Where has he laid
his freedom to choose?
At the feet of religion,
he bows,
the fool.

In Jesus Name

2009-01-28T09:55:00.001-08:00

In Jesus Name

I ask for bread,
you give me an excuse
and a stony glare
on which to feed my starving soul.

I ask for water
to quench this burning thirst,
you pour it on my head
like anointing oil
telling me,
"You are free."
"Go and sin no more."

I ask you,
"Walk one mile with me?
You hand me shoes,
merely pointing the way.
I walk on alone.

I ask you,
"Come visit me,
I am sick in this prison."
You send me cards
not wanting to look on my disease,
my confinement.

I ask for covering,
you will not even look
upon my naked soul...

Healing Touch

2009-01-28T09:54:00.001-08:00

Healing Touch

A midget...
passing through a land of giants.
I see men as trees walking.
Would that my master...
place his hands...
once again upon my eyes...
causing me to look up
and see every man clearly.

Die to Self

2009-01-28T09:52:00.002-08:00

Die to Self

"Die to self",
I herd them say.
The words seemed to echo
in their hollow heads.

Die to self,
I willingly did,
there was nothing more I could see to do.

I died to self
and lived for others,
pouring myself out
like the many droplets of water,
cascading to become a stream,
a river,
a water fall,
crashing down on the rocks below.

Trying to die to self,
I became dead to me.

Dead Religion

2009-01-28T09:52:00.001-08:00

Dead Religion

How can you say
a person's soul has no spiritual value,
no place in your system?

How can I say
your white bright sepulcher
is full of dead men’s bones?

You've worked so hard making it
a thing of beauty in your eyes.
Your fathers paid it homage
until...
it became...
in their eyes...
full of life...

Your salvation,
laws and rules of dead men,
made giants,
totally missing the point.

Their righteousness,
acts of faith.
God's grace,
dead men can't give.

Keep your faith
inside this dead place,
working hard,
to keep it clean on the outside,
not allowing common fingerprints
to mar it's cleanness.

Believe you do God a favor.

On mom

2009-01-28T09:08:00.000-08:00

To those of you who prayed in faith without wavering for mom. Thanks!
Part of her small colon was removed and she had a colostomy which will be reversed in a few months but Praise God from whom all blessing flow there was no cancer or disease anywhere in the abdominal cavity. All the biopsies came back normal. The infection caused the blockage and filled the abdominal cavity which is why she felt pain in her groin as opposed to the upper colon. The colon does not have the same nerve ending for pain as our skin and the infection developed on the outside in some diverticuli. She had suffered with diverticulitis on and off for forty years. Having a bag is a little overwhelming as well as having to repeat the surgery again after healing. But the point is that she will heal. Praise God!

Isaiah 53:4-6 (King James Version)

4Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

5But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

6All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

1Peter 2: 21-24
22Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:

23Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

24Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

Thanks again !

Gifts , calling and change

2009-01-24T07:22:00.000-08:00

The Lord has been doing much work in my heart and life. Poetry was something that I have always loved, I have not written much in the last year for this very reason. My focus just has not been there.I have found another Love! I have been to focused on the word to allow time for much else. Walking in the Spirit is so wonderful! I always new that the Holy Spirit came to reside in ones heart once you were saved, but after much study and seeking the Holy Spirit that was in my heart and, most importantly, casting away of the traditions and doctrines of men and learning to take the bible as it is, not how Mr. or Mrs. Theology says that it is, I have come to such a deeper and lasting, unmovable friendship with the Lord. I am seeing him more in my heart and life. The fog in my understanding has lifted to the point where I am sometimes overwhelmed by the simplicity and freedom of the gospel! Let me just clarify to those who walk in fear and legalism, love leaves no desire for sin. It is a fire that refines to the utmost. 1 John 3:3
"And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure."
There is no room for sin in grace.
So, my poetry is on the shelf for now. The Lord has been teaching me so much more now that I "believe" and do/be the things that he asks in the scriptures I do not have much desire, at the present, to write. We live in exciting and dangerous times. We live in a time when we are allowed to think for ourselves. There is much diversity in the body of Christ. While to some that is a benefit, to some, it is a threat, and to those who are not grounded in the word of God, seeing it as an extension of Himself, they are easily tossed about with every wind of doctrine and the commandments of men who still love to worship in white washed tombs and have no idea what sort of death or half life they lead "their", not God's, followers to.
Little children, keep your self from idols. The world is full of glory seekers. But seek the love and glory of God not men and God will keep your heart.
It seems that the Lord has cast me into a void, where I am alone, but instead of being a curse to me it has been a tremendous blessing. I have learned to love my life, as I have learned to loose it. I have learned to loose it by learning that the power to let go is in God, not in trying or in people, not in formulas or books, but in the very words of the Lord.
Over the next weeks as I have time I will be transferring all my old poetry from my post on Shadow Poetry to here to preserve them and share them. Shadow Poetry is closing due to costs. I am thankful for the place to share and also for them publishing me in chap books but God had already taken the desire to work with them from my heart before they announced their closing.
Much of my poetry published through them feels immature, now that I look back on it, but I believe it was appreciated and liked because I spoke my heart. That is what the art of poetry is truly about. I am keeping the old poetry any way and may, in the future add to it if it is still a gift that I feel the Lord is leading me in.
God bless,
Sheila

The War Prayer

2009-01-15T12:42:00.000-08:00

by Mark Twain

It was a time of great and exalting excitement. The country was up in arms, the war was on, in every breast burned the holy fire of patriotism; the drums were beating, the bands playing, the toy pistols popping, the bunched firecrackers hissing and spluttering; on every hand and far down the receding and fading spread of roofs and balconies a fluttering wilderness of flags flashed in the sun; daily the young volunteers marched down the wide avenue gay and fine in their new uniforms, the proud fathers and mothers and sisters and sweethearts cheering them with voices choked with happy emotion as they swung by; nightly the packed mass meetings listened, panting, to patriot oratory which stirred the deepest deeps of their hearts, and which they interrupted at briefest intervals with cyclones of applause, the tears running down their cheeks the while; in the churches the pastors preached devotion to flag and country, and invoked the God of Battles beseeching His aid in our good cause in outpourings of fervid eloquence which moved every listener. It was indeed a glad and gracious time, and the half dozen rash spirits that ventured to disapprove of the war and cast a doubt upon its righteousness straightway got such a stern and angry warning that for their personal safety's sake they quickly shrank out of sight and offended no more in that way.

Sunday morning came – next day the battalions would leave for the front; the church was filled; the volunteers were there, their young faces alight with martial dreams – visions of the stern advance, the gathering momentum, the rushing charge, the flashing sabers, the flight of the foe, the tumult, the enveloping smoke, the fierce pursuit, the surrender! Then home from the war, bronzed heroes, welcomed, adored, submerged in golden seas of glory! With the volunteers sat their dear ones, proud, happy, and envied by the neighbors and friends who had no sons and brothers to send forth to the field of honor, there to win for the flag, or, failing, die the noblest of noble deaths. The service proceeded; a war chapter from the Old Testament was read; the first prayer was said; it was followed by an organ burst that shook the building, and with one impulse the house rose, with glowing eyes and beating hearts, and poured out that tremendous invocation:

God the all-terrible!
Thou who ordainest!
Thunder thy clarion and lightning thy sword!

Then came the "long" prayer. None could remember the like of it for passionate pleading and moving and beautiful language. The burden of its supplication was, that an ever-merciful and benignant Father of us all would watch over our noble young soldiers, and aid, comfort, and encourage them in their patriotic work; bless them, shield them in the day of battle and the hour of peril, bear them in His mighty hand, make them strong and confident, invincible in the bloody onset; help them to crush the foe, grant to them and to their flag and country imperishable honor and glory…

An aged stranger entered and moved with slow and noiseless step up the main aisle, his eyes fixed upon the minister, his long body clothed in a robe that reached to his feet, his head bare, his white hair descending in a frothy cataract to his shoulders, his seamy face unnaturally pale, pale even to ghastliness. With all eyes following him and wondering, he made his silent way; without pausing, he ascended to the preacher's side and stood there waiting. With shut lids the preacher, unconscious of his presence, continued with his moving prayer, and at last finished it with the words, uttered in fervent appeal, "Bless our arms, grant us the victory, O Lord our God, Father and Protector of our land and flag!"

The stranger touched his arm, motioned him to step aside – which the startled minister did – and took his place. During some moments he surveyed the spellbound audience with solemn eyes, in which burned an uncanny light; then in a deep voice he said:

"I come from the Throne – bearing a message from Almighty God!" The words smote the house with a shock; if the stranger perceived it he gave no attention. "He has heard the prayer of His servant your shepherd, and will grant it if such shall be your desire after I, His messenger, shall have explained to you its import – that is to say, its full import. For it is like unto many of the prayers of men, in that it asks for more than he who utters it is aware of – except he pause and think.

"God's servant and yours has prayed his prayer. Has he paused and taken thought? Is it one prayer? No, it is two – one uttered, the other not. Both have reached the ear of Him who heareth all supplications, the spoken and the unspoken. Ponder this – keep it in mind. If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time. If you pray for the blessing of rain upon your crop which needs it, by that act you are possibly praying for a curse upon some neighbor's crop which may not need rain and can be injured by it.

"You have heard your servant's prayer – the uttered part of it. I am commissioned of God to put into words the other part of it – that part which the pastor – and also you in your hearts – fervently prayed silently. And ignorantly and unthinkingly? God grant that it was so! You heard these words: 'Grant us the victory, O Lord our God!' That is sufficient. The whole of the uttered prayer is compact into those pregnant words. Elaborations were not necessary. When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victory – must follow it, cannot help but follow it. Upon the listening spirit of God fell also the unspoken part of the prayer. He commandeth me to put it into words. Listen!

"O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle – be Thou near them! With them – in spirit – we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it – for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him who is the Source of Love, and who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.

(After a pause) "Ye have prayed it; if ye still desire it, speak! The messenger of the Most High waits!"

It was believed afterward that the man was a lunatic, because there was no sense in what he said.

Do You Need to Feed?

2008-09-05T11:22:00.000-07:00

I am tired of milk
of being spoon fed.
I want to chew my own food,
nourish myself.
Why do you tell me
what to eat and how to eat it?
I want to choose my likes and dislikes.
I want meat!
I believe I was meant to digest it.
Why do you fear I can not choose good food,
feed myself,
chew, swallow and digest it.
I have arms,
I have hands,
I have teeth,
I have the implements.
Make room at the table.
I will come to the feast!

The Foot Reader

2008-09-03T14:10:00.000-07:00

Once I stepped in food.
Then I went to school.
A visiting teacher said,
Feet were what she read.

How queer!

She took all our shoes.
(which we had removed)
Said mine had dog poo.
And it reminded me of you!
Though, I did not tell her who.
And that it was not really poo.

Today

2008-09-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

Today, I saw you happy and I cried.
Today, I remembered my loss..
Today, I remembered my emptiness as I saw you full.

Do not judge my state of mind,
for I am truly glad for you.
I do not despise the happiness I see on your faces,
I long for what you have.
I know I will never have it,
So it is regret, not lust.

Today, I cried for the beauty of a joy I will never know.
Today, I remember that flesh once joined is bound.
Today, I release to the eternal the desire for perfection on earth.

Come Reason With Me

2008-09-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

So you come,
Come to reason with me.

You come, with the words of man.
You state them here and there as one who subdues the air, with authority.

Do you know to whom you speak?
I am the Heir of the Master!
The one to whom you are bound to serve.
Yet, you can not fellowship with me...
But plot my demise to steal my inheritance.
Would you strike my head?
Would you shed my blood?
Would you receive your reward?

So, you come,
Come to reason with me.

You come with your rules, with your laws.
You wave them here and there as one who beats the air, with authority.

Do you not know to whom you speak?
I am a daughter of The King!
The One to whom you've swore fealty, your loyalty, devotion.
Yet,you can not fellowship with me...
but draw the sword as an enemy.
Would you strike me down?
Would you curse your vows?
Would the King be honored?

So you come,
come to reason with me.

You come with weapons of war.
You strike here and there as one who beats the air, with authority.

Do you not know to whom you speak?
I am the Body of your Lord,
The One you say you know,
Yet, you can not fellowship with me...
but cut at your own flesh with a knife.
Would you cut me off?
Would your wounds heal?
Will the King make you whole?

So, you come,
Come to reason with me.